Here I Go Again

Here I go again, not posting anything for what seems like an eternity, and then returning with a “this is what I have been doing” post. I am going to go ahead and apologize for that right now. I know there are a lot of you that have been waiting on me to post something. I appreciate everyone who still supports me even though I have been slacking lately. I have still had so many views on my page, despite that fact that I have been dropping the ball lately. So THANK YOU ALL! I will try to get my life together and keep up with my posts again.

I just want to share a little about my life from the past couple of months to get everyone back up to speed before I dig in to what I really want to say. So of course everyone knows I got laid off over the summer last year. I spent the entire summer at home with my boys. I ended up finding a job working from home in the fall which was awesome. I was so excited to finally get back to work. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely enjoyed being home with my boys, but I was happy to finally start making money and contributing again. When I first went back to work, we had a friend that we used as a part time babysitter. After about a while, our friend was no longer able to watch the boys anymore. My husband and I had spent so much time trying to find a sitter that we were pretty much out of options at that point. So, I started keeping the boys at home with me. It started out great, but I was often on the phone back to back, and I felt as if I wasn’t giving my children the attention that they needed. It wasn’t fair to them, and it was very hard on me.

I was faced with a very tough decision at that point. I didn’t really have time to search any longer. I needed a quick solution, and that solution was to quit my job, and become a stay at home mom. It was hard. It is still hard. I spent an entire summer looking for a job, and I was only able to work for a couple of months once I found one. But, as a parent, you have to do what you have to do.

Life has been a little crazy since I started staying home. It has been a huge adjustment, not even just with money, but with everything over all. A change of pace and a change of schedule is always an adjustment. We have celebrated both of my boy’s birthdays since I last updated everyone, annnnnd then COVID hit my household. This is the first week that we are finally out of quarantine jail and my husband is back to work. I always joked and said that I don’t ever go anywhere or do anything, so being stuck in quarantine wouldn’t faze me a bit. But let me tell you, when all you want is a spicy potato taco from Taco Bell because they finally put potatoes back on their menu, it suuuuuuuuuuucks. It also started to take a toll on my mental heath toward the end of our quarantine. And it wasn’t even so much of not being able to go places or see people, it was just hard knowing that I was stuck. I was stuck and there wasn’t a solution. I just had to wait it out. It was almost like I was suffocating. Very odd, I know. But I completely understand why people struggle with their mental health during lock downs now. And I am sorry, I love my family to death, but it is hard not having a break from them-at all-for two weeks! Lol.

I believe that is about the gist of my life since my last post.

Now, what I really want to talk about it staying home with my boys. Being a stay at home mom is great. It really is. I love that I get to spend time with my boys while they are young before they start school. But being a stay at home mom is just as much work as having an actual job. You cook and clean, and clean again, give snacks, and clean again, and again. And probably give more snacks. It is never ending. YOU ARE ALWAYS CLEANING. And you have now become the official snack b#tch of the household. Even when my husband is home, my boys still ask ME for snacks. I can’t take a shower without a knock on the door and hearing a little voice yell “Mommy, I want some fruit snacks.” Son….your daddy was just sitting two inches from you on the couch before you got up to come get me. Come on now.

Not to mention the toll that becoming a stay at home parent takes on your career. I was doing great and I was making good money before I got laid off. I took the job working from home in the fall since it was available. It definitely wasn’t for the money. My plan was to continue to work there, while looking for another job making decent money again in my field. Now that I am staying home, I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know how long I will be a stay at home mom. And when it is the right time to go back to work, I am going to have to work extra hard to pick back up where I left off. More than likely, I will have to start back at the bottom and work my way back up. It is a huge sacrifice.

It is a very tough situation for parents to be in. You want to stay home and spend time with your children, but you also want to work and make a career for yourself so that you can provide them with everything that they will ever need. You never understand the struggles that a parent goes through until you become one. It is hard. Very hard. But I chose this decision, not only because it was pretty much my only choice at the time, but because I want what is best for my kids. I know some parents simply cannot stay home with their children. And I know that is hard too; I did it from almost 4 years. You have to sacrifice time away from your children, just so that you can provide for them.

Yes, as parents we sacrifice. We sacrifice big and small. Sleep, time, money. But in my opinion, if you aren’t willing to sacrifice for your children, then what are you willing to do for them? As parents we are literally shaping our children. My boys are young. Every single thing that I do has an effect on them and their future. Our children look up to us to learn and to grow. They pick up on every little detail like little sponges. They may not quite understand why we make the choices that we do, or how much we sacrifice for them now, but they see it. And as they get older, they will learn to appreciate those sacrifices that were made. They will learn to understand the love that we have for them. As parents we always put our children first. Everything that we do is for them. And you only hope that one day they pass that compassion down to their own children.

It is definitely scary not working. Money is always something that I stress over (even when I have a job.) But I am taking this one day at a time and I will enjoy the time that I get to spend with my boys!

2 thoughts on “Here I Go Again

  1. I worked at night as a waitress and my husband worked days at a liquor store.
    I had 3 kids under 4 and wished I could be a stay at home mom. I would make dinner and dash off to work as soon as my husband pulled up.

    Often I would be in my car waiting for him to get home so I wouldn’t be late for my shift.

    I would get home between 11:00-12:00 clean up the dinner dishes, the disaster left after bath time and get to sleep around 1:00 or 2:00 am.

    You’re blessed to only have one job❤️

    Like

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