Stop Mom Shaming

So I just want to start off by saying that I don’t usually try to post anything that has to do with my own personal beliefs. Everyone has their own beliefs, and everyone has their own opinions on things. But I have seen a lot of moms PUSHING their beliefs on other moms, and shaming moms for the choices that they make. I just want to talk about my feelings about certain things that I have been seeing a lot of lately.

Being a mom is extremely hard these days. The time that we live in right now is so harsh. People are so quick to judge how moms choose to parent, and some moms are so quick to put other moms down. Why? The world is hard enough. Being a parent is hard enough. We don’t need added stress. It seems like no matter what choices we make, we are still going to get shamed by someone. Being a parent and having to make decisions for yourself and your family is already stressful to begin with. And then you have people judging you and your every move.

You have some people who feel like moms should be working full time to support their kids. And then others feel like moms should stay at home and take care of their kids, instead of sending them to some random daycare. Let me just say, that not all moms can afford to stay home, but you better believe those moms that have to go to work every day wish that they could be at home, spending time with their kids. They feel guilty for not being there to watch them grow. And not all moms have a way of paying for a babysitter, or maybe they just don’t trust their child under someone else’s care. And while I am sure a lot of those moms are happy to be spending time with their kids, I am sure there are some that wish that they could go to work to help out with expenses.

And the whole breastfed/bottle fed debate. Both of my boys were breastfed. My oldest was stubborn most of the time and didn’t always want to latch on. But I was so determined to breastfeed him, that I spent HOURS a day pumping so that I could still give him breast milk in a bottle. Why? Because that is what I wanted to do for MY child. I chose to breastfeed because that is what I WANTED to do. But you know what? Some moms just simply don’t want to breastfeed. And that is perfectly okay! And there are also a lot of moms that can’t produce enough for their baby, so they just cannot physically breastfeed. But people still want to shame them for bottle feeding. Have you ever thought about the moms that have tried time and time again to breastfeed, maybe even went to a lactation specialist, and still couldn’t breastfeed? That must be heartbreaking! I remember how I felt every time I couldn’t get my oldest son to latch on. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for my baby.

One big thing that I see a lot of too, is moms who had natural births talking bad about other moms who had c-sections. “You aren’t a real mom if you had a c-section.” I’m sorry, WHAT? How can you say something like that to a mom. She carried that baby for 9 months. She went through an entire pregnancy with sickness, exhaustion, maybe even health scares, and brought a beautiful baby into this world. How can you say she isn’t a real mom. Some moms choose c-sections, and other moms HAVE to have one. Maybe she was high risk, the baby was in distress, or maybe the mom just couldn’t dilate. I haven’t had a c-section, but I have heard that it can be a rough recovery. With my second child, I didn’t even feel like I gave birth. I felt great after! But that isn’t the case for some moms who have to have c-sections. So why are people so harsh on those moms?

And along with that, I see a lot of moms bashing other moms for getting an epidural. While I applaud those trooper moms who gave birth with out any drugs, I also applaud moms who tried to tough through it and said “Nope. Give me that epidural!” Why? Because realizing that it is okay to need a little help is so strong. There are so many different reasons why a mom chooses to get an epidural. Each labor is completely different. With my oldest son, I was in labor for SEVERAL hours. My contractions with him were very intense and started very high up on my abdomen. After laying in that hospital bed in pain for several hours, I was weak, tired, and just physically exhausted. I physically couldn’t handle the pain anymore. I wanted to give birth with out an epidural. I was so determined. But I just couldn’t do it anymore. So I ended up getting an epidural with him. As a parent, I have learned that not everything is going to go as planned. I was mad that I ended up needing an epidural, but why be miserable and so uncomfortable. Labor is hard enough! You shouldn’t put yourself in a situation where it is even harder on you. With my youngest, my labor went so fast and my contractions were not bad at all. (I mean, they still sucked, but I handled it.) So I gave birth to him with out an epidural. Coming from someone who has done both, my advice to soon to be moms is always “If you can do it with out an epidural, do it. If not, don’t sit there being miserable. It just isn’t worth it. Get the epidural.”

Ohhhh and the breastfeeding in public topic. I see this more often than anything else I think. Some people are okay with it, and some people think that it is rude. I can understand why some people get upset. Maybe there are kids around that don’t really understand what the mom is doing. I get it. In situations like that, while I don’t think breastfeeding in public is an issue, maybe in this situation, putting a cover over you will help. But on the other hand, there are people that get completely offended. Like, they don’t even want it to be happening in front of them..period! Maybe it is distracting, or “gross.” (which I find insane). If a baby is breastfed, he needs to eat! Especially those babies that are exclusively breastfed and refuse a bottle. A mom is never going to starve her baby. Honestly, what would you rather have happen. You are sitting down at a restaurant eating. Do you want a baby screaming and pitching a fit because he is hungry, or a mom quietly feeding her baby? I mean really.

Stop putting each other down. As moms, we should be lifting each other up. Stop shaming each other for the choices that are made. While we all have our own opinions and our own ways of parenting, that doesn’t mean that other moms feel that same way. Stop pushing your beliefs on everyone else. You can speak your reasoning for choosing to do things the way that you have done them, but don’t make moms feel bad for NOT choosing to do them the same way. It is just like anything else. Agree to disagree.

A fed baby is the best baby. Bottle fed or breastfed. And any mom is a real mom. Natural birth or c-section, and drugs or no drugs. All moms are strong, no matter what they choose to do.


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